I specialize in counseling wives of sex addicts, and I often see women who haven’t told anyone about their husband’s addiction, sometimes for months or even years.The lack of support available to spouses, and often inaccurate information being put out about partners of sexual addicts, can cause a wife to suffer additional trauma and feel like she is partially responsible for her husband’s behavior.Your husband had this addiction, or the proclivity toward it, before he ever met you, regardless of what he says.In spite of what you think or even what he might have said, nothing you could do could be enough to sexually satisfy your porn addicted spouse.Women’s brains are more like spaghetti where everything is connected.We are more likely to be worrying about our kids when we are at work and thinking about work when we are at home.
As I hear sexual addicts talk about their past, it becomes apparent why they are so uncomfortable with the idea of intimacy.
Instead of “…pick up some soda for me.”, the request should be, “We’re out of soda. When you can finally break through the chains, and find some free time for yourself, be prepared: your controlling boyfriend will interrogate you when you return.
Putting himself in a “father figure” position will install more of a sense of control.
Later I will discuss the kinds of consequences that can catapult an addict into reality.
Norman Doidge, psychiatrist and author of the acclaimed book, , studied porn addicts.